Dating is not easy in 2025, let alone as a Christian who has a smaller pool of people. I'm not one to go out of my way to put myself out there to every possible match or use dating apps. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against people using these as an avenue to find their match - I've heard of success stories, but I've also heard of many faux pas...
You can meet people online, in person, but as an introvert, it is often hard to break out of this mould. Call me old school, but I'm a believer in courtship (where you connect with someone with the intention of marriage from the outset with boundaries in place).
Boundaries seem to be something missing in today's day and age. Whether it be due to the lack of discipline, self-care or self-awareness. It seems discipline or boundaries tend to be taboo words in this generation. I view God as a Good Father who gives good gifts to His children which includes the boundaries and correction He provides (Hebrews 12 NLT). The Bible also calls him the Vinedresser and we are the vine. I'm not a gardener, but we can produce good fruit in Him if we abide in Him (John 15 NLT).
Being cautious of physical entanglements while assessing if someone is evenly yoked to you is important (2 Corinthians 6 NKJV).
What do I mean by "evenly yoked"?
The definition is to be paired with another of the same kind, same capability, and same general temperament in order to achieve a goal. I've always remembered the analogy that you're running your race and then turn to look beside you to find someone running the same direction as you... However, what if they are running at the same pace, but in a different direction? Are you able to meet in the middle and balance each other out? Could that power be harnessed in the combination of two opposites? If you have different feelings and views, can you meet in the middle to produce something beautiful?
I come back to the age old tail of Romeo and Juliet...
What is in a name?
More than a name, what is legacy?
What is your inheritance?
What are the blessings you want for your children and your children's children?
When I was younger I was a strong INFJ (Myers-Briggs). I'm still a high Feeler, but as I mature, I am balancing out more. The strength within a marriage would be for me to marry an ESTP. This is all well and good analytically on paper, but as a Christian, Holy Spirit inspires and talks to you about your future partner. I also have seen relationships where people are the same personality type altogether. It's a conundrum of what works! But the Bible says it's not good for man to be alone, He will make for them a helper.
I think it's also important to be aware of each other's love languages. There is:
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Gifts
I receive love and give out love in different ways, so it is important to know what type you are for your potential partner to know if they fulfil those needs organically or need to consciously make an effort until it becomes the norm.
As a Christian, how can you trust you are hearing from the Holy Spirit and not another spirit?
I don't want to be led away by signs and it's important to come back to wisdom from trusted people.
Who is in your corner? Who can you trust with matters of the heart?
Family is bonded to you by blood and honouring your parents comes with biblical principles of blessing. Not everyone is in the position where they are fortunate enough to have parents to be a part of this process either. So good friends or spiritual parents are very helpful. As well as getting to know their circle of friends to "test the fruit" as people would say.
I think whoever is in your corner, as long as they have your best interest at heart, this is vital. I think the missing link over the generations of courtship is not including the child in the conversations. Just because you are a child, it doesn't mean you age should discount you. As a 32-year-old woman I have some real world experience and the independence I acquired serves me the right to be involved in such conversations.
Don't get me wrong, I love surprises, but when it comes to significant items like relationships, spending of finances, how many kid(s) you would like, etc. there needs to be space for communication otherwise there is so much room for doubt and assumptions. A couple needs a vision for the courtship and marriage.
Everyone needs reassurance.
No matter who you are, I think people love to be reassured and know where they stand with someone. Lack of it is a breeding ground for toxicity.
This for me (in the waiting) is found in God who illuminates everything.
“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” —Benjamin Franklin
I used to always consider myself "hidden" in God, but now that I am ready for a romantic relationship, it's best to keep in the sunlight.
Read Psalms 37:1-40
The Heritage of the Righteous and the Calamity of the Wicked
A Psalm of David.
37 Do not fret because of evildoers, Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, And wither as the green herb.
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit[a] your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.
6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.
7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.
For the single people out there - are you courting or dating?
Have you reflected and considered your previous entanglements?
I encourage you to take control back over your mind and relationships.
See a Professional
If you're having trouble in this space, I highly recommend seeing a Psychotherapist. They work with clients to improve well-being and mental health, focusing on understanding and resolving underlying issues and promoting personal growth.
Remember, if you see a medical professional and they're not the right fit, don't worry - try another one. It's important you are comfortable with talk therapy.
There are many other types of professionals you can talk to as well.
I encourage you to speak up and speak out, don't let the matters of the heart, mind and soul fester within. Healthy communication is key.
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